Last night, she was up every 2 ½ hours and needed to go to the bathroom every single time! Going to the bathroom is quite an ordeal these days. She just goes in the Depends while sitting on an absorbent pad because she refuses to use the bedside potty of course, as weak as she is becoming, it is probably just as well. That’s the easy part . . . it’s the changing the Depends, cleaning up, taking off the old pad and putting on a new one, etc. which is so taxing in the middle of the night. Then, she would need meds because she would have difficulty breathing and if I started to leave the room she would ask me to stay. I’d sit in the room until I felt she was asleep and then go back to bed. I had maybe three hours of sleep. It is hard to go right back to sleep after you have been awakened in this manner. I am one pooped puppy.
We made a mistake of trying the Oxycontin again. BIG mistake. It made her hallucinate, become very restless and also gave her a headache. We will not be doing that again! She has had the same reaction to it twice now.
Linda and George came to visit today. It was a nice visit for all of us. I haven’t seen them in quite some time and George can always make me laugh. When they first arrived Linda and I talked downstairs for a bit and of course cried; that part was hard. When they left, we discussed them returning next week before their flight leaves for Washington D.C.
Carol puts on a good show for company. She tries to visit and act like everything is OK. She is so worried people will be sad. Even if we don’t say it, we are, BUT, we all put on our happy faces and pretend all is well. I’ve said this before, but I really think one of the reasons she didn’t want to tell people about the cancer is because she didn’t want people to be sad or take pity or get on to her for not seeking treatment. We are all past the getting on to her for not seeking treatment and we don’t pity her, but we are sad and will be sad and there won’t be anything that will be able to change that.