5/26/11

     It makes me sick!!! Literally. She told me that she didn’t want to go through what Daddy went through when he had cancer and died, that she had seen lots friends go through chemo and she just didn’t want to do it. All that is going through my mind is “that seems so selfish”.  I can sort of respect her decision not to do anything, but it makes me quite angry that she didn’t tell anyone. We could have had even more quality time together! But, it is who she is . . . selfish to a degree and doesn’t deal with sad or difficult things very well. She didn’t tell anyone because “I just didn’t want to see everyone’s faces”. She didn’t even tell her son until he got there to help her pack to move, he thought to Oklahoma! It is sad indeed but, it is what it is and I’m trying very hard to be accepting. Today it registered with me that the cancer is not only in her breast but also in her lungs. I vaguely remember her saying something about hospice care and having her lungs drained every other day. This makes me think that she is going down fast. I wonder how much time we will have together. Argh! This anger is getting me down. The only positive I can think of at the moment is it explains the short phone calls and emails the past few months. I feel so frustrated.


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